Wednesday 13 July 2016

Sainsbury's and field running

KIRI:
You left me alone in the car!!

ALLY:
Yes. I did, didn't I? Well spotted!

KIRI:
You're not supposed to leave dogs in cars! I might have died!!

ALLY:
That advice refers to hot cars in the sun.

It was half past seven in the evening. The car was parked in the shade. The window was open. And I was only away for 5 minutes. You couldn't possibly have died in that time.

KIRI:
I shouted for you not to go away!

ALLY:
I know. I heard. And so did everyone else in the car park.

KIRI:
Why did you leave me?

ALLY:
Because I had to go into Sainsbury's for some milk.

KIRI:
What's Sainsbury's?

ALLY:
It's a shop where I buy food.

KIRI:
But you take me into shops!! I've been in shops in Keswick!!! They have signs on the door that say, "WELL-BEHAVED DOGS WELCOME!" !!!! I am well-behaved. Sometimes ...

ALLY:
Those are clothes shops and charity shops and things. There are regulations about not letting dogs into food shops.  You're unhygenic. Apparently.

KIRI:
I am NOT unhygenic!!! How very dare they????!!!

ALLY:
Actually, you are pretty unhygenic, but however you may feel about it, they wouldn't have let you in. And we needed some milk. And bananas.

KIRI:
I like bananas! Can I have one?

ALLY:
Not just now.

Now, where did we go after that?

KIRI:
Why are you asking me??? Have you forgotten already??? I can remember!!

ALLY:
No! I've not forgotten. Just wondering what you thought of it.

KIRI:
We went along a river, and saw a castle, and we went in a field, and you let me run and run and run and run and run and run and run and ....

ALLY:
Yes! You did a bit of running, didn't you?

KIRI:
Yes!!!! I ran and ran and ran and ...

ALLY:
You enjoyed that didn't you?

KIRI:
YES!!! I like running.!! A LOT!!!

ALLY:
Really? That's a big surprise.

I took some photos of you running.

KIRI:
Did you??? Can I see????

ALLY:
Yes, in a minute. Where did we go next?

KIRI:
Then you tried to go through a gate but it was locked, so we had to climb over a thing ... a stile?? ... and then we went in another field, and we went through a gate and down a lonning and there were trees and the backs of buildings and then we came out and ...and ... there was our CAR!!! Right there!!! Nowhere near where we'd left it!!! It was so exciting!!! How did that happen?

ALLY:
It was exactly where we left it. We just went in a circle. Only I'd never been round that way before, so I was as surprised as you when we emerged from the lonning on to the road exactly where we'd left the car. So we've discovered a nice new walk.

Here's a photo of you running towards me:


KIRI:
Ooh I look happy don't I???

ALLY:
I think you were happy.

KIRI:
I'm a happy dog!!!!

Can I have some banana now?!








Monday 11 July 2016

Nothing went wrong!

KIRI:
Nothing happened!!!

ALLY:
What do  you  mean, nothing happened?

KIRI:
We went for a walk round the harbour, and nothing happened!!

ALLY:
Well, the seagulls and the oystercatchers shouted, and the waves crashed against the pier, and you met several friendly dogs who didn't stop to play, and I took some photos of you. I wouldn't say that's "nothing".

KIRI:
Nothing went wrong!

ALLY:
Surely that's a good thing!

KIRI:
But there's nothing to write about!!!!

ALLY:
Would you like me to have an accident every time we go out?

KIRI:
Yes!! No. No, that wouldn't be good. 

ALLY:
Well, here's a photo of you laughing. Will that do?

KIRI:
Hahahaha! ROFL! LOL! !!!!

It's outrageous!


KIRI:
SmallCat is sleeping in Ghyll's bed!!!

ALLY:
I know.

KIRI:
But it's not her bed!!!

ALLY:
Yes, I know. It's Ghyll's bed.

KIRI:
She shouldn't!!

ALLY:
Why not? Ghyll doesn't mind. He likes the cats and the cats like him.

KIRI:
But ...!!!!

ALLY:
Are you outraged?

KIRI:
Yes! It's outrageous!!!

ALLY:
Why?

KIRI:
..... !!!!

ALLY:
Now do you see why the cats like Ghyll better than you?

Sunday 10 July 2016

Even dogs get old and die

ALLY:
Kiri - why is that when you meet my friends on Facebook  you call them by their names, but you refer to me as, "Small Human Person?" You know my name!

KIRI:
I don't know what your friends look like so I can only use the names they tell me!

ALLY:
But that's the name their mummy and daddy gave them! Their proper name!

KIRI:
So why did your mummy and daddy call you "Ally?"

ALLY:
They didn't, actually. They called me "Allison."

KIRI:
So you use a different name? Why? Does "Ally" mean "small Allison?"

ALLY:
Well, in a way it does.

KIRI:
I am so clever! I worked that out for myself!!! And ... and ... they didn't know you'd grow up to be a small person, did they?

ALLY:
Probably not. Though my mum was smaller than I am.

KIRI:
Tiny Human Person then. Was she was small as me?

ALLY:
No. Just a wee bit smaller than I am.

KIRI:
Why have I never met your mummy and daddy? I want to meet them!!!

ALLY:
You can't.

KIRI:
Why not?

ALLY:
They died a long time ago.

KIRI:
No!!! Oh Small Human Person - Small Ally - that is sad. I am so sad.

What happened? Did an asteroid come crashing to earth and explode over their house? Were they abducted by aliens who frazzled them with a ray gun? Were they collateral damage in a terrorist shoot-out? Were they poisoned by eating one of those funny poisonous fish that Homer Simpson ate? Tell me!!!

ALLY:
None of those things. They just got old, and died, like everyone does eventually.

KIRI:
Everyone but you. You won't get old and die!

ALLY:
Yes. I will.

KIRI:
No!! You can't!

ALLY:
I wish you were right.

KIRI:
I won't get old and die though! I'm a dog!!

ALLY:
Dogs get old and die too. Look at Ghyll. He's old.

KIRI:
But he's not DEAD.

ALLY:
Not yet.

KIRI:
I love Old Creaky Dog even if he's not much use to play with! I thought if I waited long enough he might get young again, and then we could play together!! Is that not right then?

ALLY:
People and dogs don't get young again. I wish they did. But they just get old and die.

KIRI:
You've made me sad again.

ALLY:
Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Tell me about your mummy and daddy! What were they like?

KIRI:
My mummy was a space dog from the planet Perro! She was great!!!

ALLY:
Indeed?  I didn't know you spoke Spanish.

KIRI:
There's a lot about me you don't know.

ALLY:
That's true. You need to tell me more. What about your daddy?

KIRI:
My daddy ... he was a Great Warg from Middle Earth!

ALLY:
Goodness! I am impressed. I suppose your mummy fancied him because he was a dangerous bad guy.

KIRI:
That's right! They fell in love and had little me!! And then my daddy had to run away because the Middle Earth policemen were after him!!

ALLY:
Middle Earth policemen? How much of Lord of the Rings have you actually read?

KIRI:
What's Lord of the Rings?

ALLY:
It's the book that has Middle Earth and wargs in it.

KIRI:
Oh! There's a book! I was watching The Hobbit on TV with you last night. There were wargs and Middle Earth in that.

ALLY:
Ah. It's all part of the same story. You should read the books. But you're admitting you made it all up, aren't you?

KIRI:
No! It's all true!!!

ALLY:
You have a wonderful imagination.

KIRI:
Well, I live with you, don't I?


Accidents will happen

KIRI:
Well! That was exciting! We went for a walk! In the wind! Down near the sea! It was great!

ALLY: 
Yes, we did, didn't we? And what happened?

KIRI: 
I met a dog! And we made friends.!! She was black and white like Old Creaky Dog ... but she could run as fast as I can, so we chased each other round and round!! It was great! It was so exciting!!! She is my New Best Friend!!

ALLY: 
 You do realise you may never see her again?

KIRI:
I don't believe you. Why are trying to make me sad?

ALLY: 
Oh, I'm not! Just being realistic. Anyway, you made me sad. What happened after we met the border collie?

KIRI:  
We went all the way to Flimby! It was great!! And you made up a song about how wonderful Flimby is, and how nice it is to walk on the beach in the rain with your dog. That made me happy!

ALLY:
Hmm. Not sure if I was being entirely serious about Flimby, but it's all a matter of opinion. Delighted it made you so happy. And then what happened?

 KIRI:
The rain got heavier and I got wet but I didn't mind, 'cause I was walking with you, and that's the BEST THING!!!

ALLY:
 You do know what I'm leading up to, don't you? That's why you're being all smarmy. You're feeling guilty, aren't you?

KIRI: 
No! I love walking with you!! I'll walk anywhere with you!! ANYWHERE!!!

ALLY:  
Stop shouting.

KIRI:  
Sorry. I was excited!

ALLY:  
I'd never have guessed. 

KIRI:
I'm quite good at hiding it.

ALLY: 
Really ...?

ALLY:
So ... what happened next?

KIRI: 
We went back to the car park.

ALLY: 
And ...?

KIRI:  
I was excited to see the car! I can recognise our car! And then you suddenly let go of my lead and lay down on the ground and said. "Bloody stupid dog!"

KIRI:  
Yes, I did, didn't I? Why do you suppose I did that?

KIRI:  
I don't know. It didn't look very comfortable. Why did you do that?

ALLY: 
Because you yanked me through a narrow gap and tripped me up, you bloody stupid dog! My hands are all sore, I've got skint knuckles and a big bruise on my knee, and my best guitar-playing fingernail is broken. What have you got to say about that?

KIRI: 
:-( Er ... sorry? I didn't mean to hurt you. But I was SO EXCITED!!!

Are we still friends?
ALLY:
<sigh> Yes, of course we are. Just try to curb your enthusiasm next time, eh?

JODY Mcq: 
Lol Ally. You two are funny!

ALLY:
We do our best! :-)

JODY McQ:
Kiri - I'm sure you will see your new friend again...just ask Ally to take you to the beach every day!

KIRI:
Yes! Yes! See? SHE says we'll meet again. And I believe her! TAKE ME TO THE BEACH EVERY DAY!!!

ALLY: 
You're shouting again.

KIRI:
I was afraid you might not hear me otherwise.

ALLY:
Oh don't you worry. I can hear you.
LOUIS C: (another dog joins the conversation) 
I have same problem. Every day I try to tell Jody Mc! and the volunteers that I want to go to the beach, they only listen to me once every other day. I bark , pull them towards the car, sit down next to a car. I can only conclude that they just aren't very clever..

ALLY: 
Maybe they just don't want to go the beach! I'm sure Kiri will have some interesting comments when she wakes up, but right now she's having a snooze so the cats are getting some peace.

JOHN F: 
You two are the best double act ever! 

SOPHIE D:
Dear Kiri! We have lots! Of rabbits here! You can come and chase them round the field whenever you like! Then when you catch one! You can eat it!

KIRI:
Oh Sophie you have RABBITS!!!! I am so excited! I have to make Small Human Person take me to meet you. I know I'm going to like you!!!

JOANNE L: 
Kiri you really need to be taught how to use a camera so that we can see your adventures as well as hearing about them 😃 Xx

JOHN F:
Brilliant idea. How about a GoPro and dog harness? 

ALLY:
If I could afford a GoPro I don't think I'd want to trust it to that daft dog! 

JOANNE L:
 Lol was really meaning mum could take some pics I have no idea what a GoPro is 😂

JOHN F:
Joanne, something like this:

 ALLY:
Mum takes LOADS of photos, Joanne! Haven't you seen them?
Joanne - here's a link to my photo albums. Look for the ones with Kiri.
 www.flickr.com/photos/allybeag/albums

JOANNE L:

Sorry kiri and ally me bad I'll try to keep up better in future! X

ALLY:
:-) Well there's enough photos there to keep you occupied for months of sleepless nights ... If you like animals, search my Flickr site for photos of Ghyll and Pace too, and my cats Aineko and Oscar. There are LOADS. (Oh goodness, that dog's got me shouting too now!)

KIRI:
Ahem! Who are you calling a daft dog???

ALLY:
Oh lord. Not content with excessive exclamation marks, now it's excessive question marks. 

KIRI:
I like punctuation!!! Too many is better than missing them out!!! !!

ALLY:
No, it's just as bad to have too many.

JOANNE L:
Diva dog alert! 😉😂

JOHN F:
Kiri's spelling and vocabulary are excellent for one so young.

KIRI: 
John - thank you!! Small Human Person is very fussy about these things! She said she didn't want another illiterate dog.

ALLY:
I said nothing of the sort! Ghyll is lovely, even if his spelling is abysmal.

GHYLL:
wot u sayn bout me 

ALLY:
How did you get in here, Ghyll? You don't even have a facebook account! I was just saying you are lovely and we all love you. Now go back to sleep.

GHYLL:
k








Making it up

KIRI:
We took longer than usual with our walk this morning!!

ALLY
Yes, I kept stopping to record our conversation.

KIRI:
What conversation?

ALLY:
The one where you told me your mummy was a spacedog from the planet Perro and your father was a warg from Middle Earth.

KIRI:
Oh, that one! I made that up.

ALLY:
I know.

KIRI:
I thought I was pretty convincing!

ALLY:
Well, you might have convinced a worm with its hands over its ears ...

KIRI:
A worm with its hands over its ears? Worms don't have hands!! Or ears!!!

ALLY:
It's just a figure of speech.

KIRI:
I've never heard anyone say it!

ALLY:
That doesn't mean it's not a figure of speech.

KIRI:
I think you made it up.

ALLY:
Well, maybe I did.

KIRI:
You have a wonderful imagination!

ALLY:
Well, I live with you, don't I?


Romans and Rabbits

KIRI:

Small Human Person took me - and Old Creaky Dog - to the place we go every morning. We love it! There are hundreds of rabbits who leave treats for us, and they make it even more fun by running so that I can chase them! I hope I can catch one. I want it to be my friend! We go in this little field that's different from all the other fields 'cause it's got deep trenches and ridges all over, and bits of old walls. It's great fun to run up and down and then into the long grass where I can hide until Small Human Person calls me , when I jump out and go bounding towards her and pretend to knock her over! It's great! Sometimes I do knock old Creaky Dog over, but he's too easy to knock over and anyway he doesn't seem to mind. I like him. He's my Friend!

ALLY:
 It's not just any field, Kiri - it's the ruins of a small Roman fort, built by Roman soldiers long ago.

KIRI:
I don't know what that means. Did they make it for their dogs?

ALLY:
 Well ...I'm sure they had dogs, and the dogs would have run about there, but the walls were much bigger back then - like little houses. And soldiers. 

KIRI:
So they made little houses and a nice lumpy field for their dogs! I like Roman soldiers! I want them to be my friends!

Did they have rabbits?
 ALLY:
 <sigh> Yes, there have always been rabbits. The Roman soldiers caught them and ate them.

Serena B:
 In fact, it was the Romans who brought the rabbits here, so they could eat them - and, not doubt, so that their dogs could chase them...
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1487787/Romans-introduced-the-rabbit.html

Saturday 9 July 2016

Hello World!


KIRI:
Hello World! (Small Human Person says this is the first thing you should say, and of course I do as I'm told.)

Terry M:
Hello Kiri, welcome!


ALLY:
Kiri ... remind me please ... when is it exactly that you do as you're told? I must have missed that occasion.


Laura S:
I do hope Kiri will accept this request. She would not be my first canine FB friend, there are other equally mad dog owners here, you know :)

KIRI:
Hello Laura! It's only cat owners who are mad, you know. Dog owners are completely sane.

Laura S:
Woof, Kiri!

Serena B:
I hope she will accept my friendship, as well, and that she won't be too worried by the cat sitting on my lap!

KIRI:
Hello Serena! It's ok - I am fascinated by cats. My favourite hobby is staring at SmallCat who lives with my humans. SmallCat likes staring back at me, so we have a shared hobby. I hope we'll be friends. Please say hello to your cat from me.
(There's also LargeCat living with us, but he just ignores me. I think we'll be friends.)


Serena B:
Freddie says hello to you, as well!


John F:
With eye markings like Kiri's, who can resist?

KIRI:
LargeHuman Person, who lives with us, isn't as polite as you, John. He says I have a clown face. Oh, but maybe that's a good thing. I don't know what a clown is. Is it like a rabbit?

John F:
Sort of like a rabbit, but clowns tend to wear over-sized shoes. This slows them down and makes then easier to catch.

KIRI: Do they leave tasty little round dog-treats for me to eat? That's why I like rabbits!

John f:
If that's the case - do NOT chase clowns!


ALLY:
Oh goodness. I didn't realise she'd be so talkative. Hush, Kiri - some of us have work to do! 
(Life if becoming more surreal than usual. Kiri and I are using different browsers for our FB accounts, on my tablet and laptop, so as to keep them separate, but my main desktop PC seems to have picked up all that stuff and had logged me out of FB while I was on the other devices. So if you ever see a message from Kiri that should have been from me - or vice versa - you'll understand what's happened.)


Terry M:
Brandon doesn't have his own page since most of what I write is about him, but I will pass on all Kiri's information.


Jude A:
I`ve been toying with a Daniel Dogface page for a while ... perhaps a blog about his night-time exploits down the bus stop ... but no, it`s just too silly :) Wishing Kiri all the best with her page, she`s so beautiful, she could go viral!! x

KIRI:
I met Daniel Dogface the other day! I like him!